Feeling Love From Church - Pt. 2
Part 2 of the 'Different, Not Better' Blog Series
(Go to Part 1)
Enter one hot topic of LGBTQ+.
The Christian world is turned upside-down over what to think about and how to behave around LGBT families. People have strong opinions about how to interpret what the Bible says about anything LGBT. We can accept denominational differences, but we cannot accept people who are too different from us, especially when we are convinced we know everything the Bible says with regard to LGBT. We quickly confuse a person with a principle.
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” — Matthew 7:1-2. Ooh, measured to me….gotta sit on that one a minute and figure out how I’d like to be judged.
Too often, families with LGBT loved ones feel left outside of mainstream ministry, because congregation members feel like they will compromise scripture if they walk beside an LGBT person or their family members. Everything about the LGBT world looks as to contradict Scripture, and because ‘have nothing to do with evil’ is a Christian virtue. Distance, whether intentional or unintentional, is created between our families and others who don’t have this visible struggle.
It’s hard for some to determine how to love another sinner whose life looks so different from theirs. Some can justify leaving families like ours behind, for any number of reasons. Without realizing that hurts are created, church ministry continues status quo. We show up for service and do volunteer work, so presumptions are made that we’re all just fine. Beneath the surface, we wonder what others are really thinking of us, and we grieve that there’s not a group for us, let alone, our children, to join. And because the Bible clearly says X about X, there isn’t a requisite reason to think that LGBT families might need some support, because it’s just one of the hard things that families must endure while they cling to Truth. Every family has hardship, after all.
Within any number of churches, there are groups for men, women, children, widows and widowers, singles, young adults, seniors, divorcees, single parents, moms of preschoolers, those in grief, those recovering from addictions, and those wrestling with pornography. But LGBT families? We aren’t always sure where to turn. Our pastors connect us to one or two other families living in secret, and we’re left dangling to figure out our own resources. Have you been there?
Galatians 6:2 says to “Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Sometimes, we just want someone to help us carry this load without pretending to know they have all the answers.
Churches are full of families living in this space.
Akin to denominational differences between churches, this is a chasm that exists within churches. While we can overlook other churches’ differences because we’re all in different buildings every weekend, many LGBT families wonder where we fit within the walls of our own churches. Those around us are even more confused about how to approach us and our loved ones. It can quickly become an extraordinarily lonely space.
Churches scramble, leadership and governing board meetings become tables of confusion, and bylaws are viewed and reviewed. Often, churches become silent, because it’s super perplexing to hold the lines on the verses about sexuality and also preach and deliver gospel love. One leader holds fast to clear black and white right and wrong, while another bleeds grace for every soul navigating the gray areas. It seems that even within churches, pastors share conflicting ideas in how they interpret which of the verses deserve more emphasis from the pulpit. Holding grace and truth is a delicate balance, and sometimes, both buckets just tip over, leaving messes of confusion to clean up.
It’s easy to forget James 3:17 - “The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” Pure, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy.
It’s just what a weary heart needs sometimes, and sometimes, church members struggle to do it well (self included).
A side note…I don’t envy ministry leaders - they take a lotta heat from a lotta directions, from people with staunch opinions about how the church should be led. Some congregation members lack the capacity to see through eyes of grace to empathize with the responsibility of leading a flock. They make demands, create ultimatums, and gut their pastors…or leave their church altogether…because of their unmet and unwavering demands. Ministry leadership is not for the weary, so our pastors deserve appreciation for the hardships they endure.
While not asking the Lord or His people to compromise Scripture or change the Word of God, many LGBT families like ours remain wondering where our place is within our churches. Certainly, our children are. Loved by a perfect Savior, saved as a sinner by His grace alone, we all stand at the foot of the cross with the same sin-soaked lives. Most of us can agree on that, but the waters get muddied when we draw our own defined lines across one another. It seems that one of those lines involves LGBT issues.
Paul reminded judgemental people, “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” — Galatians 3:28.
I guess he’s still talking to us too.
Hey!
