My Child Said The Words - Pt. 3

Part 3 of the 'When The Words Are Said' Blog Series
(Go to Part 1)

Acknowledging that this journey is a process that requires grace from everyone involved

We can choose to honor a person’s perspective as we seek to understand one another’s viewpoint, value system, and convictions. Choosing an argumentative stance and creating demands that any one person must ascribe to ‘my way of thinking’ forms an atmosphere for detrimental debate rather than helpful dialogue.

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged." — Matthew 7:1

From my own experience and talking with countless other families, our only way is through. We can’t magically rise above it, skirt around it, sweep it under a proverbial rug, wish it away, or hide from it. Our child invited us into a space. Even if they shouted and stomped away in anger or fear, we can look beneath the outburst and interpret it as their only way to reveal what they’ve wanted us to know for some time. We can accept the invitation, turn it toward meaningful dialogue, and begin right where we are.

Yes, we have questions. They have questions, too. We may need to navigate our conversations with wise counsel so they can interpret, articulate, and even regulate our complex emotions that are attached to the scattered thoughts about ourselves, our family, God, and the Bible. We will all have to hear and face some hard things that, honestly, we’d rather not. We may have to be vessels, and open up to hold both our own and our children’s pain while we process.

Sometimes, when our children feel like they are drowning in a sea of confusion, anger, hurt, or misunderstanding, it’s not a life raft they want from us. They want us to get in the water with them, so they know we will travel beside them no matter how rough the waters get. It’s okay to let our children know, “I’m scared, too. I’ve never done this before.”

Where this lands us, we all have yet to understand. It may be a lifetime of visiting, and revisiting, adjusting and readjusting. I am not suggesting we compromise God’s word or instruction. But we do need to be willing to dive deep into ALL of Scripture. What I am saying is that, sometimes, the Lord takes us to places to open our hearts to reveal that he has more to teach us. Many times, he uses my children and my circumstances to stretch my understanding of who He is and what He’s called me to.

Proverbs 3:5 reminds us to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Lord, I’m leanin’.

I have and will always love every one of my children. They truly are God’s gifts to me, and if He is offering me an opportunity to walk beside my child on a path that feels too rocky for my own feet, it’s probably right where He wants me to be — holding onto Him while we stumble towards grace together.

I trust God’s faithfulness

I believe Him when he tells me in Psalm 127:3 that my children are an inheritance from Him. I’m so glad He picked me to be their momma. I believe God when He says in Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” Four different translations say don’t 1.) embitter, 2.) cause anger, 3.) aggravate, 4.) provoke or 5.) exasperate them. I think He means it, so I will work hard not to choke my child with shame, and instead lead with love and compassion.

If we discourage one another, we all lose. And you and I know the verses about honoring your father and mother. I haven’t forgotten, this verse, too, carries weight, but this particular conversation is for and about our children. And it’s okay if they’re upset with us. We are all learning how to do this well together, so we can let them blow some steam.

I believe Jesus’ words in Mark 9:36-37, when he said, “And he took a child and put him in the midst of them, and taking him in his arms, he said to them, ’Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me, but Him who sent me.’”

I want my child to feel like he can always know he’s safe and welcome in my arms. Even if my child forgets, we’re both safely nestled in His capable hands.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul." — Psalm 23:1-3. Sometimes, we just gotta lie down and regroup in the arms of the One who knows.

We won’t do this perfectly, but choosing to see our children through the eyes of Jesus, and starting from a position of deep, deep love can steer us toward something meaningful. When we share difficult moments with our children, Galatians 5:22-23 reminds me of my privilege to act with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control. It’s an excellent starting point, and I’m hopeful we can embrace this journey with grace. What that looks like for each family will vary, I’m sure. We’ll all land somewhere in the messy middle, but at least we’ll have the company of one another, we’ll lean heavily on the Lord’s provision, and we’ll choose to listen, learn, and love better.

"We love, because He first loved us." — 1 John 4:19

He loves us; He loves our children. We are one and the same. He doesn’t lead with all the ways we’ve wronged or offended him. He leads with love, and because He loves me, I not only can love back, I believe He expects me to. What a gift we’ve been given. Let’s use it well.