Creating Space at My Table - Pt. 3

Part 3 of the 'Space At My Table Blog Series'
(Go to Part 1)

Romans 5:8 reminds me that God demonstrated His love for me and that while I was still a sinner (and I am), Christ died for me. Someone cared enough to reach out, in God’s love, to share the love of Jesus with me by telling me how much I am loved, not how wrong I was about how I thought, what I believed or anything else.

I understood that I was loved by, yet also separated from God, simply because I am human.

How can I not want to display the same love for others, regardless of their starting point? Also, queer is not the defining thing that separates us from God….sin is, so even if someone turns straight in your kitchen, we’re all still, what I like to say, wretched little sinners. You, me, that person in your kitchen - we all still need a Savior.

Back to my story.

I’ve learned from the LGBTQ+ community how to love and accept people exactly where they are, and how much they are willing to accept me just as I am. Members of this community cultivate relationships, and help people feel safe, loved, and acknowledged; because many know what it feels like to be judged and marginalized. As one who loves Jesus, I believe I carry a tremendous responsibility to be a light to anyone who crosses my path, regardless of whether they agree or align with me. My job, first and foremost, is to see a person, and to love that person well. That, after all, is a command of the Bible that I ascribe to.

Conner and I agree to disagree on many fronts, but that kid is mine, and I. love. him. Period.

We are choosing to learn what it looks like to hold space for one another as individuals with similar and dissimilar belief systems. We believe in a lotta similar principles; we are exploring the differences we hold, and we are learning that neither of us knows all the rights and wrongs of the world or the Bible. We both offend people in the world and we offend the principles of the Bible. Some we get right, and some we get wrong.

As a mom, and as difficult as this road can be for both of us…we never walk alone.

Many parents will say this is a difficult and confusing road to walk. This isn’t easy for our children either, and I’ll never pretend to completely understand all that Conner has endured, processed, or wrestled through as a gay man–especially a gay man who was raised with a Christian worldview. But, man, am I gonna try. Because Conner is not only my son, he is a representation of a group of people poorly understood and largely unseen and unvalued by some.

Plenty of people choose to turn their backs on him and his friends, simply because they are classified as some sort of worse sinner than the regular garden variety sinner. As many answers as I don’t have about what the future holds, I step with the assurance that God’s fingerprints are all over our stories, and His promises never fail. Again, I am not God, and I often don’t understand his ways, but I know His promises don’t and won’t fail, even when Conner and I do.

Conner and I have something incredibly special. We have both worked a great deal in investing in our relationship. It has not all been easy, and sometimes, it was quite messy and unfun, but I thank God regularly that He picked me to be his mom. He trusted me enough to grant me a son, and I am forever grateful for what God has taught me through him.

Without this journey, I might still be stuck sitting high on my self-righteous stool of pride, looking down upon a people I once chose not to understand.

Could I implore moms and dads to stay engaged or re-engage with your LGBTQ+ kids? Open a door, simply to say “I see you, and I want to hear what it’s like to live in your world.” Can I be so bold as to remind us all that God didn’t give us the children we prayed for so that we could turn our backs on them? He didn’t turn his back on us, just sayin’. I’m sorry if that stings, but sit for a moment to contemplate what your child might have endured. If it’s half of what mine has, enough of the world has betrayed, shamed, and bullied your child, so adding parental rejection more than likely exponentially multiplies their pain. If you are that child, and I know you’re out there, I am deeply deeply sorry. I wish I could hug you.

I have so many thoughts and so many lessons learned and yet to learn, so my hope is that we can link arms, journey together and engage in meaningful ways that promote peace and understanding. Some viewpoints we’ll share, and others will teach us what it’s like to look through different lenses. Nonetheless, if we don’t meaningfully engage, we’ll never understand anyone's story from any angle.

We ALL have value. We all want to be seen, heard, and understood.

Resisting the urge to vehemently defend positions, my intention isn’t to gather one perspective and bash the other side. My hope is to create dialogue and understanding. I want more than anything, for families not to fall apart over one hot topic, so I’ll wrap it up with my life verse, and an invitation.

Philippians 1:6 says, “He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it until the day of Christ.” God is always up to something, and in His faithfulness, He will complete every good work in every one of us. He isn’t finished yet, so I will keep believing that He can teach anything, to anyone, at any time, and I’m so glad that includes growing me. Not gonna lie, I don’t always enjoy the process.

Growth can be painful, but He isn’t finished teaching me yet, and hopefully not you, either. And that’s the reason I invite people to my table. Feel free to pull up a chair.