Considerations for Disclosure - Pt. 3

Part 3 in the 'Sharing With Siblings & Others' Blog Series
(Go to Part 1)

Prayer

Building family support is critical for every family, but it’s particularly necessary when we’re walking beside an LGBT child. Life throws us curve balls all the time, so covering our families with prayer should already be a part of our journeys. Commitment to our families isn’t a new theme, so this is another opportunity to emphasize our love and commitment to one another.

“Pray without ceasing.” - 1 Thessalonians 5:17. I’d suggest hangin’ onto this verse. God doesn’t get tired of hearing from His children.

Beginning with prayer for wisdom, peace, and guidance can settle our hearts before we have hard conversations with our children. Remembering our own responses to our child’s disclosure can help us with the sensitivity our children need as we talk with them about the sibling they love. I’m a believer in asking God for wisdom not only for what to say, but what not to say. Sometimes, others are best served when I say less, and only answer the questions that are on their hearts.

Open With Love

Beginning with affirming our love for all our children, we reassure our children that we are not singling out any one child over another. We love our children equally, and whole-heartedly, and nothing will ever change how much we treasure each one.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this, everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” — John 13:34-35

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” — 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

While a familiar and popular wedding Scripture, it might be helpful to remind ourselves and our children what love in action looks like. While we may have loved imperfectly, it’s an excellent refresher to all our hearts that loving requires effort and sacrifice, and we are seeking together to honor the passage. Love will always be a choice we make. Choosing to love well, and allowing our children to see us display our love for our children, will help them remain engaged as they process the news about their sibling’s sexuality.

Building a Supportive Family Unit

Reaffirming the importance of family unity helps our children be assured that having an LGBTQ+ sibling doesn’t change the fact that we are still a family. It is always a desire for our families to remain intact, but sensitive topics, as we know, can cause divisiveness. Reasons for discord or confusion often include juxtapositioning a biblical foundation with LGBTQ+ topics, so we need to leave room for open dialogue and time for everyone involved to navigate the significance of family and faith.

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” — Psalm 133:1

Continuous Learning and Growth

Encourage ongoing learning and growth in understanding LGBTQ+ issues and walking in faith. This has always been the most difficult point of navigating LGBTQ+ family members, because many fear that loving an LGBTQ+ family member causes them to compromise Scripture, leaving them conflicted over how to choose to do both well. Somewhere along the line, we may have learned that we must choose one or the other, because we believe that loving a person agrees with everything they do or believe, and it messes with our own belief system.

I’ve been there.

The both/and thing of loving Jesus and loving people may have never crossed our minds until we came upon this intersection of what to do when one seems contradictory to the other. (Spoiler alert, love conquers all, so don’t be afraid to keep loving while you navigate all the other aspects of living in our broken world.) Rather than disengage, or exact judgment upon one another, encourage your family that, together, we will consider all the angles of how to navigate well together.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” — 1 Peter 4:8

Your family may choose a variety of resources: books, workshops, websites, or podcasts from many differing perspectives. Engaging in meaningful conversations to understand one another will help you decide how your viewpoints and belief systems will serve your family well. Landing in different places is okay. Every family member gets to choose how to intersect their belief system with living real life, but what we should resist is judging one another and sabotaging relationships because we can’t agree to disagree. No matter how messy it gets, as coaches say, ‘Keep your head in the game.’

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” — Galatians 6:9

Conclusion

Navigating the conversation about a sibling's sexuality within a Christian family requires a delicate balance of love, truth, and compassion. By grounding the conversation in biblical principles and fostering an environment of understanding and support, we can guide our children through this revelation with grace and faith. Hard questions remain, and answers aren’t linear, because people are complex, and navigating Scripture requires an investment of time, energy, and prayer.

Many verses require careful navigation, and countless conversations have ended up posing more questions than answers, because wrestling the rules of law and relationships against commands to love requires prayerful discernment. People land in differing places when they read and seek obedience to Scripture, so leaving room for grace, having patience with the process, and remembering that love, as taught and modeled by Jesus, is the most powerful tool we have in bridging gaps and nurturing acceptance within our families.

“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” — Romans 14:19.

By anchoring these conversations in love and faith, we can create a supportive and understanding family environment that honors God and cherishes each of our children.