To the Teen Who's Afraid to Come Out

Hey, I see you. I see your fears, and I’ve been in your mom’s shoes

Maybe you've been holding onto this truth about yourself for weeks, months, or even years.

Maybe you've prayed about it, wrestled with it, or tried to change it.

Maybe you've imagined telling your parents a thousand different ways, and each scenario ends with worry about their reaction.

I want you to know something important:

Your worth isn't measured by how your parents initially respond to your coming out.

You are precious, you are loved, and you deserve to be seen fully for who you are.

Are you afraid to come out? I get it. Moreover, my son can really understand you. Navigating these waters can feel overwhelming.

Need some help trying to put your words together? Want your parents to get it? As you prepare the conversation, no matter how well or poorly it goes, we’re here to help you.

Make sure your parents know about Pride and Promises….we’ll help THEM see YOU through eyes of compassion as you navigate how faith and love intersect.

Can I tell you something?

Your parents are scared too.

Sometimes, their reactions come from confusion and come out all jumbled up. Sometimes, it explodes. Sometimes, they take a hike. Those responses are based in fear, pride and confusion. So give ‘em some grace if they really blow it.

We’re all just figuring out how we redefine life the way we thought it would happen, and it can get stupidly bumpy.

So, before or after you have your conversation, please allow us to help them through. We promise to do our best. And as you prepare for your conversation, establish a few things ahead of time.

As always, feel free to reach out to us at [email protected]. We’ll be sure to reach back out to you.

Here are a few things that can help. I really hope we get to meet your parents…one or both of them!

Before You Have the Conversation

Are your parents open to discussing LGBTQ+ topics in general?
Have they expressed extremely negative views about LGBTQ+ people?
Do you have a safe place to go if things don't go well?
If you're unsure about your safety, please reach out to a trusted adult (a counselor, teacher, or understanding relative) before having this conversation, and create a contingency plan for your safety and security so you have a place to lay your head every night.

God's love for you is unchanging - even if you’re mad at Him. He still loves you, and I'm ok saying it. I know….there’s a lot to unpack there, so it’s ok if you don’t believe me.
I understand you may have been hurt by those at church. I'm so sorry that people can cut with words and leave you bleeding.
Your identity is valid and deserve conversation.
It's okay to be nervous.
You get to choose your timing.

Your parents aren't stressed or rushed.
You have privacy and won't be interrupted, but if you need the safety of a public place, choose a quiet corner in a safe spot.
You feel calm and collected….write your thoughts down if you have to.
Someone can go with you if you need a confidante, counselor, or another trusted adult to help guide conversation.
You have support lined up (friend on standby, counselor's number saved).

starting the Conversation

Here are some gentle ways to begin:

"I love you, and our relationship means everything to me. There's something I've been wanting to tell you, and I’m gonna need a lotta grace, because what I’m about to say may disappoint you or make you uncomfortable…

"Mom/Dad, I need to share something important with you. I've been praying about this and thinking about it for a long time..."

"I know our faith is important to our family. I've been struggling with something and I can’t carry it by myself anymore. I need you. I need your love and understanding over something I’ve struggled with that I haven’t escaped and can’t change….

IF THINGS GET HARD

Remember:

You can pause the conversation if it becomes too intense.
It's okay to say "I need some time"
You don't have to have all the answers.
Your parents might need time to process, and you are not responsible to hold their feelings if it doesn’t go well.
Even if they cast blame, their projection is not your responsibility.

After The Conversation

Whether it goes well or not:

Be gentle with yourself
Stay connected to supportive friends.
Keep praying and trusting.
Remember you're not alone.
Reach out for help. We all need help.
Ask them to consider our website to walk beside them.

A Prayer For Your Heart

Dear God, Grant me courage for this moment. Help me speak my story with love, and help me remember my parents might need some time, just like I did.

Hold me in your peace.

Remind me that I am yours, always and completely.

Amen.

Remember: Your story matters. Your life matters. Hold onto the preciousness of who you are.
We're here for you, so don’t be afraid to ask for some help.
If you feel unsafe with yourself, please call 988 (if you're in the USA), and someone will connect with you to help you through.